Perfectly Infertile

Aunt Flo!!!!  Yippee!!!  This was a long cycle for me….30 days.  Normally AF is here in full force by day 27, usually sooner.  I am glad she arrived though so we can get moving with the FET.

As instructed I called the office upon realizing it was here.  I left a message and will now wait for the return phone call.  I do have all the paperwork, which indicates I am to start the estadiol tomorrow – 1 2mg tablet 3 times a day – vaginally.  Now I have a few questions about that…first of all…..EWWW  GROSS!!  I have to stick that little pill up my hoo-ha during AF  EWWWW!!!!  So my question to you is…can I still use a tampon or do I have to use a pad (which I cannot stand using)?  I almost think you would have to use a tampon to keep the little sucker up there?  Wouldn't the force of AF cause it to come out if I don't?  I am just grossed out by the idea of sticking my finger up there during AF….GROSS!!!  Maybe I can figure out a way to balance it on the applicator an shove it up there with the tampon.  This will be….um…..interestin….as well as GROSS!!!  Have I mentioned how GROSS this is going to be????

So anyway, Cars opened yestreday and I cannot wait to go see it.  M and I will probably head down to the drive-in movie theater to see it tonight.  Unless we are feeling lazy tonight, then we'll just go to one of the local theaters.  The drive-in is about 2 hours away, which is fine for the drive down, but then we end up beginning the drive back around midnight…ugh.  Fortunately M. does all the driving!   

 Oh and without really knowing my full schedule, it is looking like my tx could end up on my birthday!!!!

***warning*** This not going to be a happy, optimisitic, "I'm starting my cycle soon" post.  I am pissed off by all the child abuse and death I am seeing these days, and my thoughts are written below.  If you are looking for cheer and optimism, this is not the post.   

Not sure what is going on these days but I feel like my infertility is being rubbed in my face from every direction.  As I was driving home on Wednesday I was listening to my favorite afternoon radio show and they were talking about deaths to children under 2 in NJ at the hands of an abusive parent.  Now these stories always get my blood boiling – but one in particular really got me – because it happened in the very town I live in.  Not that my town is by any way "better" than anyother place, but the fact that happened here, made me literally sick to my stomach.  And to top it off, the baby was 5 1/2 weeks old.  The father threw the baby to the floor because it would not stop crying.  A defensless 5 week old baby who cries due to instinct more than anything else – killed because he was doing what infants do.  Sick.  Then they continue with a story of a man who put a toddler in the dryer because she spilled juice on her shirt and the father wanted to dry her off.  Dumbassmotherfucker is not a harsh enough word for him.  The baby lived but will have scars from the 2nd degree burns to remind her of the ordeal for the rest of her life. 

I then met DH at a restaurant for dinner which lasted about an hour. I was in pretty gd-awful mood at this point and poor DH could do or say nothing right.  Probably not the most pleasant dinner for him (sorry babe…I'll do better next time).  DH made me laugh though during dinner so by the time we were done, my mood was a bit better and I got back into the car to head home.  In the hour we were eating there were reports called in of 4 more deaths to infants in the past 24 hours!!!!!  WTF????? 

Then finally last night on the news was a story of an infant in NYC fighting for life after being subject to burns and beatings at the hands of his parents.  As of last night the parents were "being investigated".  F-that….arrest them on the spot and throw them in jail.  The baby is covered in burns and bruises…what's left to investigate?  Even if the parents themselves did not do it (which I highly doubt) they had to be aware of the bruises and burns and still allowed the baby to be in the environment where it occurred, which in my opinon is just as bad as actually abusing the child themselves.

As if the pain of IF is not enough, it has to be amplified with stories like this.  How many of us would give everything we have just to hold a baby in our arms and call the child ours?  And these scum are the ones to be "blessed" with children?  Yeah, gd is good….my ass.